Cowboy Alpha Billionaire Bad Boy: F#cking Jerk 1 Page 4

  “Oh, come on. The last time was good, wasn’t it?”

  Good? Hell no! It wasn’t merely good.

  It was mind-blowing, earth-quaking.

  But that wasn’t the point.

  The point, I reminded myself, was that it had been a mistake. A massive mistake that I still regretted. So why would I ever do it again? “No,” I murmured.

  “No?” His Cheshire smile couldn’t get any wider. Nor could he get any closer without our bodies melding together, my curves smooshing against his hard angles. Male and female, molding together. “No? I recall you screaming, ‘Yes, yes, ohmygod yes’ at the top of your lungs.”

  Did he have to remind me?

  A hot blush bloomed on my cheeks. I jerked my gaze from his. “Well, I was a little caught up in the moment at the time...but…”

  He thumbed my chin, lifting it until my eyes met his again. His were smoldering, dark, fathomless. “Maybe you’ll ‘get caught up in the moment’ again.” He tipped his head.

  Oh God, he was going to kiss me.

  My breath hitched. All my thoughts evaporated, like mist on a hot summer day.

  Yes. Oh, yes.

  No.

  No!

  I planted my hands on his granite chest and shoved. “No.”

  He smiled into my eyes as he took a step back and dropped his hand. “You say ‘no’ now. But you won’t later.”

  Arrogant jerk.

  Throwing his cocky response right back at him, I said, “We’ll see about that,” and shoved him again.

  He turned, threw a smoldering look over his shoulder and loped out of the house, leaving me there, breathless, dizzy, and needing to knock some sense into my head.

  I’d almost like that big dickhead kiss me! What an idiot I was.

  Why couldn’t I feel that kind of electricity with a nice guy? Like Mike? Why?

  I had no answer a half-hour later, after I’d whipped up a quick lunch and ate.

  Nor several hours later, after I’d worked myself into a near coma, cleaning out the old storage shed.

  But something good came out of all that hard work. I’d found several unused pieces of equipment I could sell. The extra money would help keep the ranch afloat for a while. And I wouldn’t have to fire anyone.

  All the boys were gone by four o’clock. All the boys except for Clay. He stuck around, looking busy. I tried not to notice him as I worked. I failed. Every time I caught a glimpse of him, I had to look. No matter what I was doing. My eyes just had to track him. I couldn’t stop them.

  By five o’clock I was done. I was filthy, like I’d never been before. My hair. My face. My hands. My clothes. Covered in dust and dirt. And my shoes—caked in shit. I was starving, but before I would allow myself to eat, I had to get clean. I smelled like shit. Literally.

  Shower.

  I stripped out of my clothes, leaving them in a heap on the bathroom floor and jumped under a stream of cool water. Absolute bliss. The water pattered against my body, massaging my aching muscles and chilling my overheated skin. The water at my feet ran off brown and muddy. I scrubbed until not an inch of skin had been left unwashed, shampooed my hair twice then cut off the water and wrapped myself in a clean towel.

  I stepped out into the hall to find Clay standing in my kitchen, arms crossed.

  “What are you doing here?” I snapped.

  “You. Me. Dinner. Remember?” He shouldered the wall.

  Dammit. I had forgotten, having been so exhausted and grimy from all the work I’d done. All I could think about was getting clean. “Oh. Crap. I forgot.”

  “No problem.” His gaze slid south, to my breast region, and my nipples hardened. I tugged the towel tighter around myself, hoping he wouldn’t see them. “You can go throw on some clothes…or not…and we can head out.”

  “You know, I’m really tired after today—“

  He stepped closer, head shaking. “I knew you’d try to get out of it.” He continued to prowl nearer, eyes focused on my face, expression intense.

  The way he moved, looking at me like that, reminded me of a big jungle cat, hunting down its prey.

  Me. I was the prey. And I wanted to run.

  But, just like a big cat, I knew my running only triggered his chasing instinct. So I stood my ground as he crept closer, closer still. Before I knew it, my towel-clad body was within inches of him. And he was glowering down at me.

  “It’s either we have dinner, or…” His gaze raked down my body, and a spark of dark male hunger ignited in his eyes.

  I knew what that or meant. Sex.

  A little quiver quaked through me. “No ‘or’. No.” I shoved on his chest, pushing him away for the second time today. How many times would I have to do this in one twenty-four hour period? In a week? In a month? Would this guy ever get the message?

  What happened that day, years ago, was a mistake and I had vowed never to repeat it. I meant to keep that vow. No matter what.

  The towel gripped in one fist, I pushed past him. “Fine. I’ll get dressed. Give me a few minutes.”

  “Damn, I was hoping you’d go for option two.”

  “Not a chance in hell,” I shot back.

  His laughter followed me into my room.

  Adrenaline pumping, blood rushing, heart throbbing, I slammed the door.

  Why, oh, why did I have to feel this way about such a jerk? What was causing this disconnect between my brain and body?

  As irritated with myself as I was with the jerk in question, I gathered my hair into a messy, soggy knot on top of my head, stomped into a long cotton skirt, yanked on a T-shirt and shoved my feet into a pair of tennis shoes. Then I grabbed my bag.

  “Ready to go,” I announced.

  Next to the door, Clay pulled it open and waved me out first.

  I felt his leering gaze on my ass as I stormed down the steps.

  What the hell was I doing, going anywhere with this jerk? Favor or no, he was my employee.

  This was wrong. And stupid. And totally unnecessary.

  And it would not happen again.

  Ever.

  Because I was done lusting for the bad boys. Done.

  Chapter 5

  When Clay had told me we were having dinner tonight, I hadn’t known what to expect.

  This was definitely a suprise.

  I mean, true, the restaurant options were extremely limited out here in Nowheresville. It was a long drive to find anything remotely decent—as in, served food on genuine plates instead of paper wrappers. But I had still expected, and dressed for, a dinner out. At a restaurant. With tables. And people. And service.

  Not out, as in, out in the middle of a freaking pasture.

  A large bonfire heated my face as I sat, in my skirt, staring into the dancing flames, poking at the embers with a stick. Two steaks the size of my freaking head were sizzling on top of a homemade grill setup, built with a wire mesh resting on top of stacked stones. The smell of burning meat wafted my way with every breeze. Even to my vegetarian nose, I had to admit the smell was making my mouth water.

  I hadn’t eated a single bite of animal flesh since the last time I’d visited Aunt Sandee, the summer before my freshman year of college. I’d decided to go vegetarian after watching a video about how industry farmed animals are handled and slaughtered. Horrifying. All my life I’d seen how my aunt had cared for her animals on her small ranch. I hadn’t realized it was different from the way the larger farms operated. The shock had been enough to make me stop eating any meat that was sold in chain grocery stores. And since that was all I could find where I lived…you get the picture.

  So there I was, about to eat my first bite of beef in four years.

  Proclaiming the slabs of cow flesh done, Clay forked them onto plates he’d stowed in his picnic box and handed me a plate, knife, and fork. Then he produced a bottle of wine and poured us both a glass.

  I stared down at the grilled meat, juices running from it, filling the plate. My stomach rejoiced. My mind wasn’t as e
nthusiastic. I hacked a tiny piece off and reluctantly slipped it between my lips.

  I chewed. Delicious flavor filled my mouth. Rich and juicy and savory.

  “Good?” Clay asked.

  I nodded. “Surprisingly.”

  “I’m not surprised. I’ve been told a time or two I grill a mean steak.”

  Cocky and arrogant as usual.

  But that didn’t stop me from gobbling down that steak. I ate almost half, which was way more than I expected. And when I was done, I sat back and groaned. If I tried to stand up and walk I probably would fall over, I was so full. But it felt good to be full, to not have that raw, burning hunger gnawing at my insides for once. I hadn’t realized until now how hungry I’d been. Not just today, but for the past few months—make that years.

  The price I paid to keep the weight off.

  When I started my freshman year in high school, I’d been five feet tall and two hundred pounds. I was the invisible girl. Nobody spoke to me. Nobody noticed me. Not even my teachers. I crept down the halls alone, in silent, solitary torment. At night I gorged on anything I could get my hands on. Food was both my savior and my demon. I loved food. And I hated it for what it did to me once I swallowed it.

  And I probably would have continued that love-hate relationship for the rest of my life if it hadn’t been for my mother dragging me to a clinic for obsese teens. They used a combination of drugs and public shaming to make me lose weight.

  It worked. And by that summer I’d lost fifty pounds. I looked like a different girl.

  And I’d met Clay.

  He saw me. I wasn’t invisible to him.

  He flattered me.

  He made me feel special.

  He touched me.

  He kissed me.

  Eventually, the summer after my senior year, he took my virginity.

  And then he broke my heart.

  I spent the following four years in college, starving myself, denying myself any food I deemed dangerous, terrified that if I ate just one mouthful, only one, I would go right back to binging. And the weight would pile back on.

  And I spent those four years trying to forget Clay Walker.

  The weight hadn’t crept back on. But when it came to forgetting Clay...I’d failed. Miserably.

  Memories of those long summer days, our bodies gliding against each other as we swam, and griding against each other as we kissed, were impossible to erase, even after four years. In fact, they were still as vivid as ever. I was beginning to think they’d never go away. Not in a lifetime.

  He stood and extended an arm. “Come here.”

  I placed my hand in his and he pulled me to my feet. We stood inches from each other. His broad chest was within reach. I tipped my head back and our gazes tangled. Electricity arced between us, the air crackling.

  It was as if time had rewound. We were in high school. And that strange and magical force was tugging at us, pulling us closer.

  “Come here. I want to show you something.” He climbed into the bed of his truck then helped me up. He’d put down a couple of sleeping bags, to cushion the metal a little. He’d even thought to bring along a couple of pillows. He put them at the end, side-by-side. “Lay down.” He lay first, on his back. I settled next to him and looked up.

  The sky was dazzling. Deep indigo blue at one end, violet and salmon at the other.

  “I love coming out here and looking at the stars,” he said, rocking his head to the side to smile at me. Our gazes locked. “You know, before I met you, I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to fly to the moon, to walk on the planets, to travel to Pluto and beyond.”

  “You never told me that.” Feeling a little funny inside, I broke that invisible connection linking us and stared up again, letting myself be lost in the vastness of it all. It was so much safer doing that, looking up, watching the stars twinkle, the lights of distant planes cut a path across the heavens.

  “That’s because we met when I was in high school. By then I knew I wouldn’t be able to do all those things, though I wasn’t done fighting for it. My pop made it clear; my place was here. Working his ranch. And to hell with my dreams. There was no money for college. And no way they could afford to replace me if I left.”

  At the sound of regret in his voice, my defenses crumbled. Was this guy laying beside me, being open and honest, the same one that had tossed those awful pick up lines at me? “I remember you used to talk about wanting to leave Wyoming. To travel to every state. To go to school in California…”

  “Yeah. I wanted to leave. Didn’t we all? But I knew in my case it was all talk. I’d be stuck here forever. I would just have to make the best of it.”

  My heart twisted.

  I’d had such a wonderful experience at school. Dorm life. Friends. Parties. I was sure I’d never forget it. Now I realized how much I’d taken that opportunity for granted. So many people never had the chance to go to school, to be wild and free. I was lucky. Very lucky. “I’m sorry.”

  “Now, don’t go feeling sorry for me. That’s not why I told you.” Rolling onto his side, and propping his head on one hand, he cupped my chin. I turned my head toward him, and his thumb grazed my lower lip. The air seeped from my lungs and a pulse of heat throbbed through my body.

  The wanting was still there, and as strong as ever. How could that be, after what he’d done to me? How?

  “Clay,” I whispered, my voice low and husky. It sounded more like an invitation than what I’d intended—a warning.

  He dipped his head lower and brushed his lips across mine. “It’s been such a long time since I’ve tasted this mouth. I’ve been hoping, waiting, wishing I would have a chance to taste it again.”

  A tiny groan rumbled in my throat.

  Resist. I had to resist. I couldn’t fall for his charm again. Could not.

  I pressed both palms against his chest. It was so hard. And broad. Deep crevasses cut between the bulges of his muscles. My fingertips traced them, meeting in the center. His heartbeat thumped beneath my hands, fast and hard, just like mine. “Clay, we can’t.”

  “Can’t what?” He sealed his mouth to mine, and the world spun. Memories flashed in my head.

  Lazy summers.

  Kisses.

  Longing.

  Love.

  His tongue slipped into my mouth, exploring, claiming, conquering. He rolled, one leg resting across mine, his body leaning heavily on mine. His heat seeped into my pores and thundered through my body. Blazes ignited. My nipples hardened. My center burned.

  I wanted him. His kiss. His touch.

  No, I needed it. God help me, I needed it.

  But if I let myself trust him again, would he finish what he started all those years ago? Would he take my fractured heart and crush it into a million fragments so tiny I’d never be able to patch it back together again?

  Chapter 6

  The western sky was aflame, much like my body. At the horizon clouds stained brilliant salmony pink and dusty lavender arched overhead as my skin simmered, a blush creeping up my neck and over my face.

  Clay’s kiss was a natural force, as dangerous as the wild, thrashing Colorado river. As wicked and powerful as a category five Texas tornado. And as beautiful as a Hawaiian sunset.

  His kiss made me forget.

  It made me surrender.

  My body grew heavy and warm. I flung my arms around his neck. I had to or I’d spin off into outer space. The world around us vanished. And then it was just us. Male and female. Two bodies, entwined.

  He left my mouth to nip the sensitive skin of my neck and I shivered. Goose bumps prickled my arms, shoulders, chest and back. I tightened my hold on him. Was I making a huge mistake? I didn’t know. I didn’t care. All I knew was I was in his arms and he was in mine and I was burning and gasping and trembling.

  “Please,” I whispered, not even sure what I was asking for. Did I want him to stop? Did I want him to kiss me again? Yes. And yes.

  “Damn, I love that sweet little voice of yo
urs. I’ve missed it since the day you left.” He pushed up my top and kissed the swell of my breasts, and my back arched, lifting my chest higher. “I missed these too. Every inch of this body.” Pulses of heat blazed through my body with every racing thud of my heart. It was at a full gallop, shoving white-hot blood racing through me. That heat swirled around and around, like a massive whirlpool, funneling to my center where it pounded and throbbed.