Slave of Duty Read online

  “Stop.” Stahl didn’t sound pleased. “What the hell are you doing? Are you uncomfortable? Is anything hurting?”

  “No. Nothing hurts.” He started to lift his gaze but stopped himself before he’d gone any higher than the Dom’s hips.

  That was one hell of a bulge in his pants.

  He tightened his grip on his cock and a surge of heat shot through his body.

  “Okay.” While Stahl paused, Matt took another peek of that visible lump. “It’s time for a change of scenery. Let’s head inside.”

  “Okay.” Matt stood, scooped up his bag of gear and his clothes and followed him up the path to the house. As soon as he stepped inside, the scents of burning wood and roasted meat filled his nostrils.

  Jenn was sitting at the kitchen table, eating, a book propped open in front of her.

  “This way,” Stahl said, motioning toward the living room just beyond the kitchen.

  Matt didn’t meet Jenn’s gaze as he padded barefoot past her. His gaze moved to the blaze in the fireplace instead, the only source of light in the room.

  Stahl shook out a lamb’s wool throw and smoothed it on the wooden floor in front of the fireplace. “Kneel here.”

  Listening for the sound of Jenn beating a path to her bedroom, Matt did what he’d been commanded to.

  “Yes, that’s better.” Stahl pulled a chair close to him and sat, crossing his legs. How he wished the Dom wasn’t wearing any pants. He could almost smell Stahl’s desire in the air, a faint, intoxicating scent that inspired him to drag in a deep lungful. “Now, back to what we were doing.”

  Once again, Matt squirted a dollop of lube into his palm and began stroking his cock. And, just as it had before, his mind started wandering. It was no use. Without the benefit of a partner to please, a body to caress and kiss and explore, he couldn’t stop it.

  Stahl sighed. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m masturbating, as you asked.”

  “Yes, I can see that. But I’ve seen people act more turned-on by switching on a lamp. What’s the problem?”

  “There’s no problem.” He swore his cheeks were about to ignite, they were burning so hot. And his dick, which had been hard, went soft as a marshmallow in his fist. Dammit.

  Stahl went for his bag, sitting next to him. His arm brushed against Matt’s shoulder and Matt’s dick jumped, growing hard and thick in an instant. “Uh huh.” Stahl pushed on Matt’s back, the pressure applied right between his shoulder blades. “On all fours.” As soon as he was in position, two of Stahl’s fingers slipped between Matt’s ass cheeks, finding his entrance. When he applied just the slightest pressure there, Matt jerked upright, biting back a curse.

  “You didn’t do your homework, I see.”

  “But I did. That’s not why—”

  “No excuses.” Stahl stood, crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m done for the night. But you…you’ll do your homework. We’ll start again tomorrow. After breakfast.”

  Ten seconds later Matt was alone, cussing at the gold flames flickering in the fireplace.

  What the hell had just happened? He’d done exactly what that prick had said. Except for that stupid homework, which he figured was optional.

  This wasn’t what he’d expected. This teasing, game-playing bullshit. Hell no. This wasn’t what he wanted.

  He’d give Master Stahl a little taste of his own medicine. Stahl had pushed his buttons tonight. He’d return the favor tomorrow.

  Chapter Four

  The next morning Ben felt like shit. Despite the cool, clean air, comfortable bed and absence of traffic, he hadn’t slept. Not one fucking hour.

  It was a damn good thing this would be over tonight.

  He was sitting at the kitchen table, downing coffee as fast as he could when Matt came in, looking like he’d slept like a baby. Lucky bastard.

  Matt poured himself a cup of coffee and sat opposite him. “Where’s Jenn?”

  “Sleeping, I guess.”

  Matt nodded. “Is it against the rules to talk about personal things when we’re off the clock?”

  “We’re not off the clock now. You asked for a twenty-four hour experience. That’s what you’re getting.” Ben felt his jaw clench. As much as he wanted to get closer to this man, he knew it was a bad idea. “What kind of personal things do you want to talk about?”

  “I’d like to ask what made you decide D/s is for you,” Matt said.

  At least this was a safe subject, a common one. “It felt right.”

  “From the start?” Matt spooned some sugar into his coffee and stirred.

  “Pretty much.”

  “How do you handle more intimate relationships?”

  Now Matt was tiptoeing into more dangerous territory. There were some things Ben didn’t like to discuss with submissives. This one was at the top of the list. “I manage.” Evasive, yes. He hoped Matt would take the hint. Being profiled by a cop wasn’t his idea of a good time.

  “Not willing to go there?” Matt asked after tasting his coffee.

  “Not really.”

  “It would help me. I mean, what if I met someone, a woman, who wasn’t into D/s, and I wanted to have a personal relationship with her? How would I handle it?”

  “That’s something everyone in the lifestyle decides for him or herself.”

  “In other words, figure it out.”

  Ben couldn’t help chuckling. “In other words.”

  Matt went to the stove, lit the burner then dug out a cast-iron skillet from a cupboard. “Hungry?”

  “A little.”

  Ten minutes later, Matt scooped a pile of scrambled eggs on a plate, added a couple pieces of toast then returned to the table. He reached over Ben’s shoulder to set it down in front of him.

  The scent of eggs and fresh butter filled Ben’s nose. “This looks and smells delicious. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a big breakfast like this.”

  “Tell me you’re not the yogurt and granola bar kind of guy.”

  “Close, but not exactly. Egg whites. No toast. No butter.” Ben scooped up some eggs and delivered them to his mouth. His taste buds celebrated. He’d become so accustomed to the flavor of fat-free-sugar-free-zero-calorie foods, he’d forgotten what real food tasted like. Heaven. “Damn, can you cook.”

  “I’ve been told women love a man who can cook.”

  “Women, maybe. Me, not so much. Unless you can cook stuff that tastes like this but has no fat and no sugar.” He took a great big bite of buttery toast and closed his eyes. Had butter always tasted so smooth and creamy?

  “Hmmm. That might be a challenge.”

  The laughter in Matt’s voice inspired Ben to open his eyes.

  Matt was kneeling now at his side, watching him. His eyes sparkled and the big grin he was wearing created little crinkles at their corners, making them even more mesmerizing. “Have I pleased my Master?”

  “You have.”

  “Do I deserve a reward?” A charged moment passed between them. Neither looked away. The air around them seemed to be buzzing and zapping with electricity. Ben’s skin warmed. “Would I be stupid to admit this part is easy?” Matt asked.

  “What part?”

  “Pleasing you.” He gave Ben a look, the kind a man would give a lover.

  Something was happening here, between them, and Ben wasn’t sure what to do about it. He could leave. Probably should. Matt was getting the wrong idea, dammit.

  Nip it in the bud.

  “Okay.” Ben motioned to the chair. “Come here and sit. We need to talk.”

  “Yeah?” Matt sank into the chair and waited. “About what?”

  Ben pushed his plate away. “I sense you’re looking for more than a Master. I’m hoping you didn’t ask me here on the guise of trying D/s, when what you’re really interested in is something more…intimate.”

  Matt leaned back, and for the first time since Ben had arrived at the cabin, he couldn’t read Matt’s expression. “I swear I didn’t lie. I real
ly did—still do—want to explore D/s. But, I won’t deny one thing—now that I’ve had a little taste of what it’s like, I feel I need to get to know my Master better. On a more personal level first.”

  “Then I think it’s time for me to leave.” Ben scooted his chair back and stood, twisting away from Matt. “I’m not the right Master for you.” He took a couple of steps toward the door, telling himself it was a good thing he was leaving early, but Matt stopped him long before he reached it by clamping a hand around Ben’s upper arm. Ben glared at Matt’s hand for at least a second or two before Matt’s fingers started unfurling, one by one. Assuming Matt wouldn’t try stopping him again, Ben pushed on.

  Matt stopped him again before he’d reached his room, this time with a soft, “Please, wait.”

  Ben took a deep breath and slowly let it out. His heart was still thumping against his breastbone, but he hoped Matt couldn’t tell, wouldn’t guess how furious, and thrilled, he’d been when Matt had grabbed him. He had wanted to kiss Matt so damn bad when he’d said, “please, wait”.

  Concentrating on his breathing, Ben articulated, “I warned you. Before I agreed to this trip. If you were looking for a partner, a lover, to tell me then. I wouldn’t have agreed to this.”

  “I didn’t lie. I wasn’t looking for a lover. I’m not now.”

  “What? You’re lying to yourself.” Ben turned away, unable to look him in the eye. In his gut, he was beginning to believe he was as guilty of self-deception as Matt. Maybe more. “I think you need to spend some time doing some soul searching before we do anything else.”

  “Are you leaving?”

  Ben wanted to say yes. He braced an arm against his room’s doorframe. “Not yet.”

  Behind him, Matt said, “I’ll do what you say. Don’t go yet.”

  “Good.” Ben went into his room and closed the door, refusing to look back at Matt.

  * * * * *

  Matt couldn’t say how long he’d sat at the table, staring at Stahl’s shut door. It was long enough for the eggs to get cold and rubbery and the coffee cold and bitter. It was long enough for his body to get stiff, his back and legs tight from sitting in the wobbly wooden chair too long.

  Jenn came out of her room, bleary-eyed and rumpled, while Matt was still sitting there, the remains of breakfast drawing flies. She padded to the coffeepot, poured herself a cup then sat next to him. “Good morning,” she said cheerily. She studied his face as she took a sip. Her expression darkened. “Or is it?”

  “It is.” Matt checked his watch. “Or was. It’s almost noon now.”

  She glanced around. “Where’s Master Stahl?”

  Matt motioned toward the closed door.

  One well-groomed eyebrow lifted. “Trouble?”

  “Not really.”

  The other one joined the first. “Oh?”

  “Okay, maybe. I don’t know.”

  “Listen, Stahl—Ben—thinks he knows what he’s doing here. But…” She shrugged, took another sip.

  What the hell was that supposed to mean?

  “Yeah, and?”

  “I don’t think he’ll be going anywhere, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “I’m not worried.”

  “Uhn huh.” She made her disbelief clear.

  “I just need some time to figure out the rules.”

  “They’re simple. Let me help.” She set down her cup. “A good Dom is going to be one hundred percent focused on the needs of his submissive. Always. And any submissive who’s had some training will know that. You haven’t. But you will. Master Stahl’s a good Dom. One of the best. You can trust him with your life. But he’s still just a man.” She went back to the coffeepot for a refill, snatched the three-day-old newspaper from a side table next to the couch and headed out onto the back porch. The wooden-framed screen door closed with a smack, leaving Matt alone again. To think about what she’d said.

  Time dragged. But Matt didn’t get up. He made himself sit there, at the table, and asked himself over and over what he’d expected this weekend, and why he felt like something wasn’t right. Eventually he had an answer. And more questions.

  Satisfied with the work he’d done, he cleaned the kitchen and started preparing lunch, assuming it would be the last meal he shared with Stahl before he headed home. Stahl wandered out of his room just as Matt was finishing up the sandwiches. He looked a little rumpled, like he’d been sleeping. His hair was falling out of a messy ponytail, his cotton shirt wrinkled. Matt’s hands itched to strip off those goddamn clothes and worship the body hidden beneath them. His tongue burned for Stahl’s taste. His lips for the pleasure of feeling Stahl’s against them. His cock for the bliss of Stahl’s heat.

  Master Stahl had to leave. Immediately. This had been a huge mistake. No, not a mistake. He’d learned something about himself. Already. Stahl had been more right than wrong. He didn’t just want a master, as he’d first thought. Nor did he want a lover, as he had almost convinced himself. He wanted both—master and lover. A friend and a partner. Not love, no. But something more than cold, detached discipline.

  Master Stahl couldn’t be that for him.

  “Where’s Jenn?” Stahl asked.

  “She went out on the porch with a cup of coffee awhile ago. Hasn’t come back inside since.”

  He nodded, glanced at the stack of sandwiches on the plate behind Matt then headed toward the back door. “I see you’ve made lunch. I’ll be back in a minute.” As Stahl disappeared, Matt wondered if he was doing the right thing by sending him home. For years he’d come up to this place and enjoyed the peace, the quiet, the solitude. But what had once been an escape now felt like a prison. A lonely, cold place.

  If only…

  Dammit, no.

  Although he had a feeling Ben Amsler, the man, could be everything he wanted, it wasn’t fair to ask him to set aside the needs of Master Stahl, the Dom. Not when Stahl had made it clear he had absolutely no interest in anything more intimate than some mild power play.

  A moment later Jenn wandered inside, set the empty mug in the sink and, avoiding eye contact with Matt, headed into her room.

  Stahl wasn’t far behind her. He sat at the table, shook out a napkin, smoothed the wrinkled cotton over his thighs and smiled. “The sandwiches look good.”

  Matt launched into full servant mode, pouring Stahl a cold glass of cola, loading a plate with fresh vegetables, some chips and a sandwich, setting it on the table. Jenn’s bedroom door swung open. She was now fully dressed, her overnight bag slung over her shoulder.

  Was she leaving?

  Jenn gave Stahl a pointed look and he answered with a slight nod. Jenn waved. “Goodbye, Matt. See you back in town.”

  “Yeah.” Bewildered by Jenn’s exit, Matt returned his wave. “Drive safely. There’s construction on southbound I-75 once you get down by Saginaw.”

  “Thanks for the tip.” Jenn left.

  Stahl motioned to a chair. “Have a seat. Let’s eat.”

  Matt made himself a plate. Sat. Waited.

  Holding a chip in front of his lips, Stahl waved a hand at Matt’s untouched lunch. “Please.”

  Matt took a bite, doing his best not to stare at Stahl’s mouth. “I need to talk—”

  “Not now. Later, after we’ve eaten.”

  Didn’t all of Master Stahl’s submissives crave more from him? Didn’t they all hunger for his touch, a word, a kiss? Or could it only be him, his weakness?

  Stahl said nothing as he ate, but that was okay. Matt enjoyed the silence. Unlike the earlier quiet, this one wasn’t empty and lonely. It was the sound of contentment, comfort, companionship.

  The minute Stahl finished his food, he took his plate and set it in the sink. He extended a hand. “Let’s go for a walk. It’s too nice to stay inside.”

  Stahl’s big hand closed around Matt’s, and once again Matt felt the want, the need to care for him, to serve him. He was a strong man who deserved an equally strong partner, the kind who would see to his eve
ry need at all hours of the day and night.

  It scared the hell outta Matt that he wanted to be that man.

  They took the path leading down to the water’s edge. But they didn’t stop there. They followed it as it narrowed and bent to follow the lake’s shore, meandering through the forest of oak and pine before finally opening into a small clearing. They stopped to watch a doe and fawn nibble on the tall grass.

  “Look at that. I’ve never been so close to a deer before,” Stahl whispered.

  Amused, Matt nodded, more thrilled by the sight of one gorgeous male Homo sapiens than the deer. Stahl’s tongue swept along his lower lip, slicking a tempting path in its wake. Matt practically groaned.

  “They’re gone.” Stahl glanced around them then pointed at a nearby boulder. “Let’s sit there.”

  “Sure.” Dreading what must come next—before he lost the willpower—Matt followed Stahl to the rock and, after waiting for him to get settled, sat beside him. He cleared his throat at the exact time Stahl started to say something. Matt motioned for the Dom to go first.

  “First, I want to apologize for earlier.” Stahl was staring straight ahead, at something in the field. His hands, Matt noticed, were clasped together, his fingers so tight his knuckles were white.

  “There’s no reason to apologize. I’m the one who’s trying to change direction mid-stream,” Matt said. A lock of hair drifted down from behind Stahl’s ear. Stahl’s jaw clenched as Matt pulled it back and tucked it in place. “Because I realize that isn’t fair to you, that I want, need, more than what you’re willing to give me, I’ve decided you should leave. As soon as possible.”

  “No.”

  No?

  Chapter Five

  Matt’s eyes found Ben’s and it felt like the world around them fell away. Nothing existed but the two of them. Ben’s heart was thumping so fast in his chest he couldn’t count the beats. His hands, which he’d tried so hard to still, were trembling slightly as he tugged them apart. He reached for Matt’s face, that stubbled jaw he couldn’t help staring at, and stroked it. The slight abrasion against his fingertip felt good.